Twitter pitch contest–Updated

Taffy, my fellow Shark and Pebbles member, entered the Show Me the Voice contest and won an agent critique of her manuscript. Since the fates are favoring one of my crit partners, I thought, “Maybe the luck will follow me next time!”
When I saw the amazing contest Shelly Waters is holding in celebration of reaching 100 followers on her blog and 500 on twitter, I decided to enter too. The grand prize is a full manuscript request by no other than Suzie Townsend of Fine Print Literary Management.

Shelley will also select winners for a query critique, which would also be an awesome prize!

The task seems very simple. It consists of writing a twitter pitch of your book. That’s a 140 character pitch.
Here’s mine for HEAR YE MORTALS, my Young Adult contemporary:

Sebastian, an illegal American in Argentina, finds a way back to the USA that has no room for his cousin, gypsy troupe or senile grandma.

That’s 137 characters. Including the period. What do you guys think?

Thank you all for your input! My brain is almost fried, but I came up with a hopefully better entry:

Seba finds way back to his old life in USA. If only his young cousin and senile Nona had visas and Death hadn’t chosen him as next sacrifice.

Thanks for all your help!

10 comments

  1. Kaleen says:

    I think you need a comma after "troupe". I like it, but could use more danger/conflict. Is that Sebastian can't get his cousin/troupe/grandma over the border leaving them in a dangerous situation? Or are they in the USA but aren't welcomed, putting them in danger of USA citizens who despise them? Great start!

  2. i hate following cobra on comments cause i seem to get beaten to the punch every time heh, but i agree this sounds like a fun story with gypsies and senile grandmothers…if you tightened up the begining you would have more wiggle room. something like, "sebastian, an illegal citizen, finds a way back home…"
    might then be able to add more conflict/info

  3. Eliza Faith says:

    I like the premise, but it's a bit confusing. Is the book about Sebastian getting back to the states? The illegal American in Argentina grabbed my attention, but the rest didn't quite fit.

  4. covnitkepr1 says:

    Just checking back to read any postings you may have written.

    I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.

  5. Lloyd says:

    I really enjoyed reading the posts on your blog. I would like to invite you to come on over to my blog and check it out. God bless, Lloyd

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